I am the parent of a child who committed suicide September 11, 2023 due to the lack of adequate care systems for Serious Mental Illness in Colorado. If there had been adequate care, my daughter J might still be alive. I pray that there will be work done to begin to fix our very broken system.​

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My daughter was a beautiful musician and artist – but she was also a paranoid schizophrenic. She was denied treatment at all of the Colorado in-state residential treatment facilities starting in 2019. She was eventually “treated” in jail (Montview Youth Services from Fall 2021 - January 2023) and improved to some degree. Strangely, juvenile jail had issues but was actually better treatment than any of the short-term “crisis” facilities she had been placed in. I wish she could have stayed longer.

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​First and foremost, I would like to say that J was beautiful,

she was smart, and she could sing like an angel. I

remember in sixth grade she arranged a school

performance where (according to the music teacher) she

taught each of the musicians how to play their part.  She wanted to sing, so she taught the drummer how to drum; the guitar player the chords; taught her duet singer how to hold a mike properly; then she played piano and sang for an auditorium full of parents and kids. She later wrote and recorded her own songs – often electronically layering her own tracks including background vocals, beats, and piano.
 

She was so, so, talented, and so intelligent, and so capable.

 

She was also a little entrepreneur.  Starting in 3th grade, she ran a produce and lemonade stand every Sunday in the summers – she kept track of sales and took orders on her pink iPad.  She did advertising, and outreach by going to the church around the corner, talking to people, and donating to the collection. She would sell out of tomatoes and collard greens, and many of her customers would place orders for the following week. She got a summer job at 15 years old  gardening for Mo’Betta Greens. In freshman year of high school, she worked at a bakery, and took the light rail all the way to Park Meadows after school and on weekends. Her bosses all loved her – she was a hard worker.
 

J was also so very intelligent. She excelled at math and science. She tested as gifted from a very early age.  Those who only knew her after mental illness got a hold of her, never really got to see this – but she could figure things out and had so many plans for her amazing future. College, and music, and cars, and business, and law –  I think she would have done all of it too if her illness did not get a hold on her first.

But it did.

 

As early as 7th grade she started having problems with depression, and intrusive thoughts, and behavior issues. We tried to get her help then, and continued to try for the long years after. We found some help -- but never enough. By the time she had a therapist, she had escalated to needing a psychiatrist and hospitalization (and medication) – if we managed to get her in a crisis care hospital, she was often released with no follow-up -- at all.

In 2020, after being unable to find treatment in Colorado, we drove 16 hours to a residential facility in Reno though fire, wind, and snow in the middle of a pandemic. . .  but she did not stay there very long.  She was taken from that treatment facility to the juvenile jail in Reno for attacking another patient whom she believed “had the devil in her.”  Then, after months of jail in Reno while we sent ROIs to every facility in Colorado and around the US, we discovered there was nowhere that would accept my daughter. So, she was returned home once again with very little treatment in place.

 

The reasons for her denials for residential were either that there were “no beds available” or more often that she was “too severe for our milieu.” “Too severe for our milieu” was code for the fact that my daughter had extreme and complex mental illness which sometimes included violent outbursts and was hard to treat. “Too severe for our milieu” was also code for the fact that, my daughter was a run-risk and the facilities could not take that chance.  Like many people with serious mental illness, it seems my daughter was “too severe” to be in a treatment facility – but not too severe to be on the street or at our house.
 

Unfortunately, J ’s struggle did not end. After she returned home from Reno, she went on the run — off-and-on for over a year, and despite several brief stays at a “Crisis Centers”, and so, so many “second chances” (and third, and fourth, and 25th chances with us) -- she was eventually sent to juvenile jail here in Colorado. Even though everyone (including the judge in Youth and Family Treatment Court) agreed that she needed residential treatment, there was nowhere besides jail that would take her.
 

Through all of this, we tried - so hard - to show her love and get her help.

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We were constantly afraid for her.  But we were also afraid of her.

 

Her mental illness made her unpredictable, and often violent and destructive. Prior to going to jail a second time, she had physically attacked both her mom and dad on many occasions. She had destroyed property over and over. She had stolen multiple cars, and falsely accused us of all sorts of things (up to and including rape and murder). Her final arrest (4/19/2021) was for having a loaded gun at our house. 

 

When she got out of jail the second time, she was supposed to have supportive housing, and mental health help. There was not much help. The system failed her. Again.

 

She was not given anything even approaching adequate treatment upon her release in early 2023. Instead of the residential treatment she so clearly needed, she was “placed” at a youth homeless shelter in a dangerous part of downtown Denver. She was there for over a month before we finally decided that, despite her ongoing threats to harm both her parents, she could return home. We knew the threats were her illness, not her choice, and she was, after all, our daughter whom we loved. 

 

After she came home, she still had no consistent ongoing therapy, no one (other than me) was really monitoring symptoms, and her meds (which did not work all that well) caused excessive weight gain and a huge blow to her self-esteem.
 

She was supposed to be getting care through WellPower (Emerson Street for Teens and Young Adults) but they repeatedly refused to provide access to such basic services as an individual therapist or access to the groups designed specifically for psychosis. We were given many excuses why J could not be allowed to see a therapist or have the services she needed. Most of the time the reason given was that she was not “fully engaging in lower-level care.” When I emailed and asked what we should do in the case of a severe psychotic episode, I was told to call the crisis lines, use free online services like TherapyDirect, or to call 911. 

 

Although J was taking psych meds as prescribed, but as I said, NO ONE was monitoring symptoms closely. As her symptoms continued to get worse, I reported the symptoms I was seeing (delusions, regular out-loud arguments with her “voices”, sleeping for more than 14 hours a day, suicide threats, violence, statements about wanting to be dead, etc.) to the Case Manager (when there was one), and to the psychiatrist via voicemail, email, and calls. In addition, J was taken to the ER and evaluated for psychosis, aggression, and worsening symptoms on several occasions.

 

None of this elicited any ramping up of services from Wellpower -- except from her psychiatrist, who finally agreed to meet with her for the first time in person on September 7, 2023 (my daughter died September 11, 2023).

HERE are the dates in the last few months of her life when symptoms were documented to psychiatrist and/or case manager (please note: these are just the events that I contacted them about -- not all the ones that happened) :
 

• 4/20/2023 (Phone call to Dr) Reported all night episode trying to get bugs off in the tub. J called 911 at 8 am taken to ER3

• 5/17/2023 J had severe anxiety attack and psychosis on a Wellpower trip to Eliches

• 5/18/2023 (Phone call to Dr): Reported J talking about how the souls that teleport into our house owe her money but won’t pay her. Crying. Yelling. Etc.

• (Phone call to Dr) Reported J took a long “bath”- did not use water (AKA sat naked in the dry tub crying for over an hour). 

• 5/22/2023 (Left message with Wellpower) Reported  psychotic break 1:00am talking about how there are money crimes and she needs to take a plane to Switzerland and kill herself. She Jumped back fence 6:00 am– came back at 8:00 am soaking wet. 

• 6/5/2023 [Emailed CM - Case Manager] J conversing with imaginary people and laughing LOUDLY enough that the neighbors have expressed concern. Clarified that the issues are ongoing and often pretty severe.

• 6/21/2023 After Brighton Waterpark trip with Wellpower J was crying, yelling at herself, and talking to imaginary voices about how she should have the right to kill herself.

• 6/22/2023 Denver Health ER for a “severe headache” sent up to psych for an evaluation since she was clearly having psychosis (voices, strange statements).

• 7/3/2023 (Phone call to Dr) Reported J refused to take meds because she thought mom “spit in all the water.”

• 7/7/2023 Denver Health ER after J threw heavy speakers downstairs. Officer convinced J to get an psych evaluation instead of jail – released later that night.

• 7/23/2023 (Emailed CM) Reported that J does not do well in groups or online. And that the past few groups she has gone to at Emerson Street have caused severe anxiety and a worsening of symptoms.

• 7/24/2023 (email CM) Reported that she is really struggling with groups that include more than three or four people lately -- even family – but that I would try to talk her into going to groups again if that is required to get one-on-one help. Requested a female CM (due to some psychosis regarding rape) & was notified of new CM on Aug 8. 

• 8/24/2023 (email CM) after no contact from CM for most of August, J missed the TEAMs meeting 8/24/2023 with CM.  I emailed that “I did not think she was likely to attend a TEAMS meeting. That is beyond her current level of functioning.”

• 8/27/2023 (Called the crisis line also left a message with Dr) Reported J threatened to kill herself and said “If I die jumping in front of a car that will be your fault.” She then went outside and smashed my windshield

• 8/28/2023 (Left a message with Dr) saying VERY clearly that what she is seeing in the once a month meeting ONLINE is not at all representative of what is going on. J is having regular psychosis, talking out-loud with the voices in her head, that she mentions wanting to be dead, that she escalates and becomes unpredictable. Also, that she needs someone other than me monitoring these symptoms.

• 9/5/2023 (Phone call with CM) I explained that J is not ABLE to participate in lower-level services like groups, and that the reason she is not able to “fully engage” is because she has SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS.  I asked what hoops we need to jump through to get the actual help she needs (like a therapist or hospitalization). I reported the suicide threats and increasing psychosis,  and said that if she did not get help soon, she would end up DEAD.

• 9/14/2023 (Email with CM) The Case Manager emailed me (not even call or text) to find out why J was not present for their long-awaited introductory meeting on September 14th. I emailed back to report that J had DIED three days before.  

 

Please feel free to request any additional information you need to fully investigate these issues. I will be happy to share any and all information I have (emails, more specific timelines, ER notes etc.). I also have a LONG diary of dates of mental health issues, police involvement, etc. This narrative is the extremely condensed version.